booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
