If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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