that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
