No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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