Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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