And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
