Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
