I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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