i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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