She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
