youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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