dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
