if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
