you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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