I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
