he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
