I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
