Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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