How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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