He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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