dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
