she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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