So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
