if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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