Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
