So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
