So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
