Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
