Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
