my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
