This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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