Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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