He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
