We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
