Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
