ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dignity is for republicans.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
