My sheets look like a crime scene.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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