sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
