all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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