I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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