she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize