hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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