if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
