I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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