i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
