If i come over, it means nothing
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
