saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to make out with him forever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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