When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
