Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
