Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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