Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
