I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
