he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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