I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
